Too much gin, very little bucket
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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