i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
