She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
