1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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