: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
