I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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