Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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