I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
