Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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