Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
