Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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