Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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