dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i think i just lost a toe
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize