I should be sponsored by Trojan
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
