i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
