When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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