I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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