im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
