i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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