She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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