cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
