the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
