friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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