I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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