I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
