then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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