Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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