there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
third nipple confirmed
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
