Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
