i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
