Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
