guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
