I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
