Cold hands, warm shart.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize