dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
