Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
