I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
