i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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