Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
