I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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