how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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