When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
