By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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