I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize