I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
