It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
