so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
