mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
