He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
