From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize