Duck Duck Cougar?
where are you?
Hypothermia
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
