In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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