I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
its liver damage thursday
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
