awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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