Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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