if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
