Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
