It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
