the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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