I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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