I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
