It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize