Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
