i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
