Yo dont text me then not text me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
