just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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