I think scott just propositioned me for sex
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
