Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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