It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
