Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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