Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm getting married
To pizza
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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