She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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