Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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