wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
