Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
